Address and educate yourself on meeting your own needs.įrom a fundamental perspective, your partner is addictive because they meet your unmet needs. Think of this period of no contact as designated recovery time. You are giving yourself the space you need to gain mental clarity, safety, and security. There is no shame in blocking someone on social media, deleting numbers, and ignoring private number calls. No contact is ideal, it’s also the most difficult step to take. How To Break a Trauma Bond Go no contact. It demonstrates a deep-rooted fear of conflict with your partner that should not exist in a healthy relationship. persistent anxiety tends to go hand-in-hand with taking responsibility or even blaming yourself for your partner’s abuse. However, if you feel constantly anxious about upsetting your partner, it could signify a trauma bond. You feel like you are walking on eggshells.Ĭonflict is sporadically present in all social interactions. Occasional ‘crumbs’ of love and affection do not warrant your staying in an abusive relationship – and are divisions of manipulation. The sadly bitter reality is that, within this relationship pattern, the high and companionship experienced during the ‘love bombing’ stage will not return. In this stage, the relationship explodes into action, and your partner seems instantaneously magnetic. This form of codependency can stem from your own unhealed childhood attachment wounds but is also often heightened by a primary ‘love bombing’ stage. When trauma bonded to a partner, there is a sense of desperation to serve their needs to meet your own. You are trying to fix your partner or reignite the ‘love’ you shared before. There is a distinct disconnect between your impulse responses and your rational thoughts. It may help to view the breakup as a withdrawal from an addiction. As a trauma bond is deeply biologically and psychologically rooted. You may feel fear, embarrassment, or even intense anxiety if you manage to cease contact. You may catch yourself covering up your partner’s behavior to friends and family to deny your relationship’s reality. On a subconscious level, you are aware that this is not how healthy love should look or feel. You know you should end the relationship but are struggling to cut ties. This justification reflects a failure to uphold boundaries on your part – paving the way for an unhealthy relationship. While this reflects a caring nature and likely comes from a place of kindness, you make room for a violation of your boundaries. Perhaps you feel sorry for your partner, or pity their difficult upbringing. Signs you are trauma bonded You catch yourself justifying abusive behavior. A trauma bond accompanies a gradually distorted perception of reality, resulting in the slow destruction of self-esteem and boundaries. Irregularity in neurochemistry - fluctuations in chemicals such as Oxytocin and Dopamine - clouds the victim’s judgment. It tends to be shortly followed by the emergence of toxic behavior such as gaslighting, verbal abuse, or controlling. This is the ‘ love bombing stage.’ The flood of positive attention establishes grounds for the abuser’s manipulation. It’s typically characterized by a period of passionate declarations of love and showering of affections. The formation of a trauma bond tends to be a gradual process. That reconciliatory fix can be affection, validation, or a temporary sense of security. The victim stays in an attempt to reach that elusive positive point. It’s confusing and it results in cognitive dissonance for the person on the receiving end of the dynamic. The Trauma BondĪ trauma bond forms through intermittent displays of positive and negative attention. “It’s because he loves me.” “Only he understands.” “It’s not all that bad.” Why do so many people remain in these relationships in the name of ‘love’? Unfortunately, the answer is simpler than we’d like. Or silent treatment, infatuation, adoration, and floods of compliments. Constant fighting, slammed doors, tears, and nasty insults. Sure, abusive or toxic relationships may seem obvious to spot as an outsider.
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